Pressure Won This Morning

My oldest had an admissions test this morning for a program she is applying for.

  • Everyone went to bed on time last night.
  • Took some forcing but everyone woke up on time.
  • We left the house and caught the bus at a good time. I planned on getting her food close to the test.

Here is were my own personal pressure started to creep in…

  • The subway arrived later than it said
  • Our subway sat for 10+ minutes at one stop
  • My phone map app took me in a completely different direction than it was suppose to…

We were lost and it was already past the time for the registration arrival. Instantly the calm, go-with-the-flow Maranda was gone because pressure had won..I was in defeatus mom mode.

In the middle of the street I started crying and my two daughters were trying to calm me down…My oldest was like ‘it is okay mom…we will find it and if not I am okay’ (reflecting upon this statement shows me that I have done okay so far in raising my children)

Realizing we are late we started to head back to the subway station. We decided to grab some food and head back to Bronx for my other daughter’s violin lesson.

Despite the crying…My gut encouraged me to call one of my lifelines – my sister. She calmed me down and reminded me that I do not have control over this…that if it is meant to be it will be…That this was our plan B.

Right then I saw the Washington Square Arch which was near the building we needed to be at. We made it to the test location late but they let her proceed with taking it.

Even though she was able to take the exam I still feel like crap. Pressure won and right now my true raw emotions are taking over. At this present moment I am not a fan of being a single moment…I am not a fan of our transportation systems…I miss having my family near to help when I have multiple tasks on my plate. But all I can do is recognize my emotions and keep going….for I need to be strong for my daughters.

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